listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just invented taco cereal.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
