there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
