We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
