Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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