my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
