If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
