i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
