some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
