Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
