I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
