If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
