i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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