my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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