bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
