i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
