I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
