I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry about my life...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
