what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
