I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
