your thong is hanging out like whoa
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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