How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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