I like my sex mixed with concussions.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
