drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
