i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
