I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
