I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
