cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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