She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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