it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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