I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
