i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
