I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is wine microwaveable?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
