he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
