Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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