Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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