fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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