So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
