Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
