You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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