if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
