i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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