when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
