let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
