Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
