Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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