"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
