Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
