I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
