Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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