You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
