If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
