did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I smell stomach acid.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
