I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
