apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
