if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
