By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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