Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
