Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
